I never grew up close to my family. Probably because, our family broke down in my early age. My mom went to Saudi to work, my dad went "hibernating" against the world, my brother turned to his vices, my older sister like her friends better (adolescent), and i grew up with my other older sister.
I saw the ugly truth at ang early age: Life is no fairy tale. So even at an early age, I learned to struggle just to live. My brother were so engrossed with his vices that he didn't care so much about whether we have food to eat or what. Occassionally, he would be nice and a little responsible, but most of the times he wasn't. He had his won world and no one was allowed but his "friends". My other sister became my rival.. I don't know why she hates me when I was young. She hurts me too often physically. For that hatred grew in my heart. later I found out the reason why she hates me, that is because she envy me. I am smarter than her and she wanted to take up this course but my mom said no because my mom said I will have to finish my studies in high school first.
My other sister was my sanctuary, she was mean some times, but caring most of the times. She became my mother and sister at the same time. But she married at an early age, so I was left with none.
My mom whenever she is back in the Philippines didn't have time for us, she will have plenty of time catching up with her friends but she never catch up with us. For that my feelings grew farther for her.
My dad, when he finally stepped out of his "hibernation" turned out to be a good father. except that he drinks every weekend with his drinking buddies. he eventually stopped when he saw me growing up and knowing that I dislike his drinking at home.
So what I have become during my early years. I felt that I have no family. I felt so alone. I didn't feel there was God looking after me because all that happened to my life was all pain and suffering.
Like what my father said I am the smartest of the four, that is why I started my school in a private institution run by nuns. Among the four kids, I am the most pampered as I am physically weak. And because I am smart I found reasons to get away from house chores and tell them, I am studying. That was my huge mistake, because I just became book smart, but not life skill smart. I didnt learn to cook well until college. I would be ill if I clean the house. I was so PROUD of being smart that whenever my sister and I would fight, (yes I fight back, bad huh!), I would make her feel stupid.
Because I am smart, I never find the need to turn to God nor my family during my hardest times. I would try to resolve it myself. I have this attitude not to complain, to do all things by myself because I grew up like that. Eventually I would surpass them. But little did I know that It is God who made me who I am today. That without him nor family, I would not have been successful.
When I was on my way to having my own family, that is where I realize the importance of my family to me.
My brother would find the food i was craving for during my pregnancy. Even the fruit that was almost impossible to find, that even my ex husband failed to, my brother was the one found it for me, never stopping till I was able to eat it. I even remember one time when he would fight for me when gossipers in our home town would spread rumors that I was flirting to many men without knowing that the men I was with were my cousins visiting from other provinces for vacation.
My sister and I eventually matures and learned to forgive each other when we realized we miss each other. She owuld teach me ways on how to stay beautiful though prenant, guide me through my pregnancy which was so difficult since I am physically weak. I know the theory of pregnany, but in practical, it was way too different, and my sister helped me realize that books are different from reality.
My other sister didn't leave my side from the start to end, for that i owe her my life and my senses. Though she was in Japan that time fighting her own battles, she never left me. She would call and ask me how I am, she would send me money for my check up and all. Everytime she would go home she would spend time with me as if I'm her oldest daughter.
Much more that I became closer to my family when my own family broke down. They never left my side. I know and I can feel they were all suffering as I suffered. They didn't know what to do to me because I was so devastated. But they were all there making sure I am not alone. making me feel I have them for support.
I realize all the things I did to them during my lowest point. that no matter how mean we are with them, no matter how ruthless we are to them, a family is always there when ever we need them. the world would turn away from us, but our family will be the only ones left fighting with us, supporting us, praying for us. they will remain the pillars of our strength.
I hear a lot of my students telling me, how bad their family is, how much they hate members of their family. That if they can only choose a family, they wouldn't choose the family they have now. I was not any different from them when I was young. I see myself in them when ever they tell me these stories.
That is why I am telling my own story that they may realize how important a family is to them. God will never give us our family without any reason. It is just a matter of time before you will realize how much your family loves you. Let me tell you how:
Your parents: You hate them for not being there during the times you need them. You always say.. I hate my mom or dad, they are always away. But where they are??? WORKING for you.... To give you the kind of life they never had when they were young. they never complain to you when ever they are sick, they never tell you they are too tired of working just to give you the best in life. they never tell you how painful it is to them not to see you perform at school, or receive an award. You never see them cry or worried when you are sick, You don't hear their prayers telling God that they should have been the one sick and not you. You never hear them brag to their friends about how such a wonderful and smart kids they have back home.
Your siblings: You hate them for messing up your things, for being dirty, for being annoying, for sassing you. But you never hear them tell good things to other people about you. You never see them fight for you when ever they hear some people say bad things against you. You never hear them how proud they are because they have you. You never know what is their reason for annoying you (that is because they want your company or they see that you are being sad alone). And I am so sure, when you grow older and you start living far away from one another, you'll miss how much your sister fix your things for you, though for you it's messing your things, you'll miss how much your brother annoys you for being pain in the neck, it's just their way of saying play with me I'm bored or lonely.
Friends??? Some of them will come and go. Only a few will never leave you. But your family... They will be with you till the end. God gave us our family that we may not feel alone in this world. God gave us our family that we may live with people around us who would care for us.
In my case, God let me be who I am today because he made me learn from my family's mistake. i am sure that you will be the same, you'll learn to be a better person because of the kind of family you have. You may not directly feel their love for you now because you are still proud and happy with people around you, but just as when you feel the world turns away from you, your family will be the only ones standing beside you.
Even the Almighty gave Jesus an earthly family, because HE knows how important a family is to the fulfilment of His love for us. True enough, Jesus was able to fulfill GOD's purpose for Him through the help of His earthly family. They gave Jesus comfort and moral support during his most difficult times... At the cross.
So never say you hate your family. Because our family is God's representative on earth. Our family is the living testimony that we are not alone in this world.
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