seen zoned

When I don't answer your messages instantly, it doesn't mean I don't care, I do. But I am a working person and what bless me financially is my top priority when I am on my work time, you have to understand it. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

When I don't answer your messages instantly, it doesn't mean that I am angry that I am getting even at you. I am just finding the right words to say so that I won't hurt you because I value our friendship a lot.

When I don't answer your messages instantly, it doesn't mean I am being proud or arrogant, I am not. You see sometimes your messages are irrelevant at the moment and that I have to focus on what I am doing instead of answering immediately because I am afraid my answer would be irrelevant to you and that I may just annoy you.

When I don't answer your messages instantly, it doesn't mean I have a habit of doing "seen zones", no; I do not. it is just that I may be asleep when you messaged me and maybe someone who knows my password read it for me but cannot give you an answer.

When I don't answer your messages instantly, it doesn't mean I am impolite. Sometimes, I do forget about the messages that slip by me and that you have to understand that I get to be forgetful; I'm not getting any younger.

When I don't answer your messages instantly, it doesn't mean I do not have time for you, I do. But maybe I am doing my personal things that I can't use my phone at the moment, so when that happens, know that I have to answer some nature calls.

When I don't answer your messages instantly, it doesn't mean you are nothing to me. But sometimes, I just need to be alone and do things on my own. You see sometimes, you confuse me that the more you nag me, the more I commit mistakes.

 

If you really know me, you wouldn’t think that I just “seen zoned” you. I have courtesy enough to reply as soon as I have time, as soon as I remember and I soon as I have found the right words to say to you.

An open letter to a discouraged leader

You’re feeling down again? I can tell… You haven’t been eating well, nor you’re having quality time with yourself.

 

You are thinking again that maybe, just maybe talking to this person in private made things worse because you’ve been seeing post from this person’s friend and you think it is about you? Well, you know what? Let it be. You talked to that person because no one has the authority to talk to the person but you, because you are that person’s superior. And what you did is right. Someone has to tell that person the change he/she is going through is not good. It is not either your problem that he/she interpreted it differently. Truth will come out in the end. And... stop stalking their FB walls!

 

People don’t listen to you when you give them advise? Relax. Well, the answer is easy; do not expect them to listen to you; remember they are adults and at the end of the day, they will be the one to decide whether they will accept your suggestions or not. Some will believe you, some will doubt you but definitely not everyone will like you. 

 

Seen zoned? Oh, quit it! Don’t be too paranoid, think that they are just busy, they’ll get back to you. But if they don’t and you really are seen zoned; square your shoulders and move on. It is their loss not yours.

 

Are you feeling tired? Then relax! You are not a machine, your body needs rest. Eat. But don’t over eat, or else you’d get sick. Walk. if you don’t do running, then walk. It will help you circulate your blood, thus giving your brain more oxygen that will feed your brain with some good thoughts, more likely a solution.

 

You’re feeling lost? Then go back where you started. Sometimes, you get lost not because you’re doing the wrong thing, but sometimes because you are doing the right thing in the wrong way. Re-route until you find what approach suits your solution.

 

You’re feeling discouraged? Shake it off! Do not dwell on your failures rather focus on your accomplishments; getting half way there is so much better than not starting anything at all. Keep moving.

 

Lastly, keep praying. Whatever it is that you are going through right now, surrender it all to God. He sees you. Stand firm. Do not be shaken. He put you there; He will be with you every step of the way. He gave you the challenge, because He knows you can. SO believe in yourself because God believes in you.

 

And oh! Smile and put that makeup back to your face, I haven’t seen you with a makeup lately. Get dressed and look how handsome you are.

 

Cheer up! It shall pass.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

Someone who just came out of discouragement

Seek Ye First... A testimony of the blessed.

Many young people seem to be in a rush to reach their goals: to be at the top of their league. There is really nothing wrong with this, but unfortunately, only few people will reach the top.

Now do not be discouraged by what I said because it is a fact. Everyone will race, and I tell you, everyone will finish the race but not on the same time, some will finish fast, some will finish late.

First Lap: I was once like the young people before: Idealistic, Narcissistic, career-oriented and ambitious. I wanted to start the race and to finish it fast. So, after my graduation, I wasted no time finding a job. I applied to different schools; with all my enthusiasm, I flaunt my teaching demonstration skills with my all prepared visual aids. The first school I applied at, I wasn’t hired because I am a new graduate and they are only hiring experienced teachers. I must admit, I was hurt because I felt; I wasted my time doing my interviews and demo-teaching.

Did it stop me from running my race? NO! I told myself that it’s just one of the bumps along the road and that bump will not stop me from reaching the finish line. I bounced back though after a day and told myself that I still have a chance in other schools. So, I applied some more and finally I was hired in my first teaching job at Saint Anne’s Catholic High School in Hagonoy, Bulacan. I thought to myself, “I can do this!” I relied on my own skills because I haven’t heard God’s voice yet. Yes, I was able to pull through initially but things started to weigh when I was told that aside from teaching Science, I will also be assigned to teach in KINDERGARTEN. I was hesitant at first because I do not have orientation in teaching in the elementary because I am a secondary Science major. But I told myself, “I will do it!”

My motivation was my nephews and nieces who were are their age. I thought of how I teach them, how I play with them and how I teach them discipline. It worked! I finished the entire school year with new skills gained as a Kinder teacher, a Teatro Sta. Ana club adviser and a new hope that I will be learning more skills to the next school God is sending me in: the public schools.

Second Lap: Working in the public schools was not an easy task. Everything was different. Everything needs to be in order. Of course in my first year of teaching, I experienced a lot of hardships, but it didn’t make me whine. I always took everything as a challenge to accomplish. Call me hypocrite, but it was never hypocrisy on my end that I always take all the assignments given to me as a learning opportunity. I was appointed as (sometimes all in one school year, sometimes one after the other) Science club adviser, guidance coordinator, JS prom coordinator, librarian (believe me, I did) and competition coach. And if it will not surprise you, I was asked to teach, aside from Science, English, and Values Education.

This may be the reason why I got my position now earlier than expected. For me, this was my lap short cut. I did not choose what work my superiors give. Whatever is handed to me, I accepted without grumbling and try to deliver as much as I can in a high quality not just a so-so kind of work.

  Final Lap: When I saw an opportunity to work overseas, I did not hesitate to leave my work in a public school where I felt, I have done more than what I can give. I felt, a progress in my skills will give me more joy than staying in Obando School of Fisheries.

  Do not get me wrong, I owe my position to the people I have worked with in the public schools, from the students, to the office staff, the maintenance people and most of all, to the faculty. To them I got all the skills and attitude that I now use as a head of school.

  Abroad, I did the entire job asked of me with all dedication. As you know Filipinos, we just laugh our disappointments, frustrations and emotional stresses. All the challenges that I faced abroad helped me more to be the kind of leader that a worker like me would love to work with.   In Bina Bangsa School, I knew God deeper and I knew my purpose even more. So when I finally decided to go home, God already entrusted me a school to lead. It is when I secluded myself from the comfort of my family and friends that I was able to hear God calling my name. When I answered His call, He took me by my hand and He started running the race for me. It is when I answered His call to seek Him first that He trusted me to lead.

  When I got my first head of school position, I asked God “what I did to deserve this blessing?” Then God answered me by making me realize how many lunch breaks I missed just to do remedial classes to my students who didn’t get the lesson, the many sleepless nights and missed barkada nights just to meet my deadlines, the many researches that I do just to accomplish the work handed to me, and the tireless service I give to the school I work with.

  So, to sum up my advise to you:

1 Seek God first. Know Him and His purpose to you. This is the most important attitude to see the “shortcut” towards success.
2 Commit your work to the Lord. In everything that you do, commit it for His greater glory. I was once a crammer like you, but when I set aside my work and pray first, time somehow stretched that I wonder how was I able to do all those things in a day?
3 Do not grumble. Grumbling triples your work time. The more you grumble the lesser task you accomplish.
4 Manage your time. Set aside unimportant things and make a plan of what you need to do in a day. Believe me, after I learned the art of managing my time, I start and end my work within the eight hour period. I “rarely” bring work home.
5 Volunteer. It is an attitude of a leader. Never be shy to volunteer yourself for the work. It is always a win-win situation. Why? You learn when you volunteer and your abilities get noticed.
6 Work with quality. When you are given a task, you must make sure that you give your 100% best and deliver with the best quality. Remember that no mediocre worker becomes an achiever.
7 Laugh. Yes laugh! Find joy in what you do. Stressors are far too many to think about: deadlines, difficulties, inadequacies; there are all there. But you can either focus on your stress or enjoy the moment. Nothing happens by coincidence. What stresses you is the result of what you didn’t do. So, if you find yourself getting stressed, or nearing to be stressed, find a funny video on youtube or the website where they put posters of wrong English grammar. You’ll see what a 10 minute laugh can do to you.
8 Be punctual. Never go out of your house without an attitude of punctuality. It is not just being early to a meeting, but more of being early with everything. When you have an attitude of punctuality, you will never miss a single requirement, commitment and you will always be prepared and picture perfect!

Young people… Yes life is a race. But no one is rushing you and no one is also telling you not to be creative and resourceful to find new routes.  It is not also a discouragement if you don't reach the top because not everyone is destined to lead.  You will never know, your greatest achievement maybe the best supporter or follower of your leaders.  Seek Him first and He will tell you the best path to success.  Seek Him first, and He will reveal to you your purpose.  Seek Him first, and He will direct you to your contentment.

The eulogy that was not delivered

In almost all funerals, a family member will be entrusted to speak of the eulogy for the deceased.  However, in our case, when my brother asked me that I will be the one to speak after the funeral service, I prayed to God to make me speak of only what HE wants to me to speak.  Surrisingly, the priest didn't call for the family member to speak.  For me, it was a sign from God that I musn't speak what I have to speak right there and then because I would make people angry.  But today, I'd like to speak this up not because I would like to make people angry, but to make us all reflect.  I am not judging people, because I know, I too did my mother wrong when she was alive.  I am not exempted from among the people who hurt her (either directly or indirectly) and neglected her.  I am here to tell how much I learned from her life, because her death is a warning to me.

Everyone knew my mom.  She was a normal woman who lived a normal life.  Many knew my mom to be talkative, down to earth, the life of a party, free spirited person.  Seldom knew my mom to be conceited, pushy, one day millionaire and stubborn.  But only a few knew my mom to be a person who has a big heart.  But for me, my mom was good at one thing:  giving me lots of direct and indirect life lessons that I should live by.

I am not here to deliver hypocritical eulogy for my mom.  I am here to bear witness and deliver a lesson everyone must know that my mom left all of us.

Directly, she taught me how to be strong in all circumstances.  She taught me how not to depend on others for my needs.  She taught me how hardwork pays off.  She taught me how to go and get my dreams and not wait for them.

Indirectly, she taught me that giving relatives financial presence is good but establishing deep relationship is better.  My mom was very generous.  Very generous to the point that she will be left with none just to give to others.  She helped almost everyone in her family financially, but she failed to establish lingering impact to their lives.  To her, they are family in need, to them; she is a family when they are in need.”.  Through her I learned that without relationship, one day even your own kids might neglect you when you’re old and weak.

She also indirectly taught me not to give more than what I can.  We all have to learn how to save for ourselves and to give only what we can or what we are willing to.  We must learn to say NO to people who keeps on asking for more than what we can give.  There is a major need to save, at least for our old age because who knows, we might end up like my mom; of all that she earned when she was alive, she died houseless, pennyless and the most hurtful part… forgotten.

If you are a child who depends to your parents everything and you don’t care where your parents got the money from, think it over.  You may be inciting hatred of your sibling whom your parents got the money to help you. If you’re the money source of your parents and you think your parents are asking more than what you can give, speak up, before you grow hatred to your parents.  You do not want to come to the point where you are already hurting the feelings of your parents for blaming them of losing your opportunity to save for your future just because your parents ask too much.

Let my mom’s life be a living testimony to each and every one of you.  Let her death be not in vain, Let us learn from her.  It is not yet too late, we are still here to change what my mom couldn’t.

She showed us both the right and the wrong kind of love.  Let the wrong kind of love she imparted on us be our lives’ lesson and let her right kind of love be what we remember of her:  that once in our lives, we encountered a woman, an aunt, a friend, a sister, a mom who tried to please everyone.
Friends and relatives, on behalf of my family, we are truly grateful of your presence and support as we mourn for our mother.  Words are not enough to explain how thankful we are of your prayers, service, emotional and financial support.  I know that my mom’s life had been a blessing to you and now you have shown us today how you’ve become a blessing to her.

By her life we experience God’s blessings and by her death we experience God’s comfort.  The night of her life is gone, morning is at hand.  Just as the one we sing at the church.. There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

ALIVE, ALIVE! : The Born Again Christian.

Overacting! Awkward! Crazy!  These are the three bombs that exploded in my head the first time I attended a Christian service.  I was invited by my niece to attend the service of a Church she is attending.  I said “why not, anyways, I do not have anything to do because I was on vacation from an overseas work”. 

So I attended “their” service and I was like… These people are overacting!  Why do they need to cry?  There is nothing sad about the song!  Then I saw them raising their hands and I was like “major awkwardness!”  Why lift up their hands for?  I joke on the thought of saying “present!” ok the pastor has listed you to the attendance sheet so would you all please put down your hands (my eyes rolling).  And to the extreme I said these people are crazy!  Why?  Because the same people whom I saw crying were now jumping and dancing in joy.  Isn’t it craziness?

So the worship songs were over and here comes the pastor.  Sermon was about “TITHING and blessing”  and I was like “UH, OH! Money maker on the lose!”  I thought “how can there be blessing in losing your money to people you don’t know and to a church you don’t trust?”  I said to myself “at least "MY CHURCH" (that time) don’t force us to give a tenth of our income!”

So the service ended.  I went back to my work abroad and then it’s time to going back home again.  And because majority of the people in our house attends the church (except for me and my nephew), I joined the what I called ALIVE, ALIVE (Born again Christians) members of my family.  They even invited me to attend this family camp in Baguio, one December of I can’t remember what year.  I joined because I want to go take my kids to Baguio and not because I would like to join that camp.

I was introduced by my sister to a lady pastor.  She was beaming!  I was like “what the heck! Why all smiles!  Do I know you woman?!”  She told me, ‘If you have time, I want to know you more”.  So I devised a way on how to elude her beaming face as if she is being carried by a million butterflies.  I thought to myself that it is just my sister’s scheme to make me ALIVE ALIVE.  I do not want to talk to anyone at that time because I was still very bitter because of what happened to my family:  My husband left me over a woman.   I hid from her sight, whenever she comes near; I would pretend to be following my then 3 year-old Euna.  Until came a day that I do not need to hide from her anymore,  I caught mumps.  Oh it was awful!  I was thinking that maybe I was cursed for eluding the lady pastor.  “Carmi Martin!”

But later, as I join their services, I slowly began to understand their actions.  Slowly, God manifested His light on me.  Though I do not want my family to know that I am slowly being transformed because I feel shy, awkward and the seed in my heart is yet to be planted deeply.  If you happen to know me before, you’ll be surprised that I can be capable to sitting down alone without talking.  But I sat down, really really sat down and reflected on my life.  I began to read the Bible and meditated on the words.  I found out how “blessed” I really am to receive the many blessings that I have received even though I know, I only call Him when I am in need or in pain.  I began to be sorry for my sins, to feel Jesus’ pain on the cross for a sinner like me.  I thought  that I should be the one on that cross because I was the one who commited all those sins, those gruesome and unimaginable sins, not Him.  Then I recalled the people at the church crying as they pray.  I finally understand them why.  I finally know the reason why people shout, dance and sing joyfully like a crazy man.  It is because of the overflowing joy of knowing that they have a  Father who loves them so much that He endured the pain of seeing His only Son suffered and died on the cross. 

That time on, I long to be like them:  the overacting, awkward and crazy ALIVE, ALIVE!  I want to know more about Jesus.  I want to feel the peace.  I want to understand how can I help save a sinner like me. 

When I finally decided to go back to the Philippines for good last June 2013, I told myself that I will be a serious Christian.  I tried my best to join the first invitation to encounter, failed.  The second one, failed again as if the devil doesn’t want one soul to know God in depth.  Even the conferences, I failed to attend.  Then when I started sharing God’s words at school as a part of our weekly assembly, “problems” come one after another.  I asked God “Is this what I will get for following You?”  A small still voice answered me as I cry of terror, frustrations and aloneness: “all of you who are called to serve Me undergo the same suffering.  Take heart! I have conquered the world!” 

I decided to put my faith in Him and to my surprise; all the people who plotted evil against me were gone!  God took them away.  My boss who wanted me to stop sharing the Word, was gone before I finish my contract.  The “problems’ that I entrusted to Him, were all solved without me doing anything.  Well not actually doing nothing.  I was praying for them all the time together with my family.  What more can I ask for?  Aside from trusting Him completely, and praying, I just work my usual at school.  I can tell you for hours the many spiritual battles that I fought, but a book would be more appropriate for it to accommodate them all.  The thing is, I just hold still.  I let go and let God do His wonders.

I made it to batch ISRAEL encounter!  I almost failed it, but I told myself, nothing can prevent me from joining it.  I felt that I had to give it back to Him for not leaving me in times that I needed Him, so I just have to attend this encounter as a gratitude to Him and to show that I am serious of following him and knowing him.  I felt God!  I cannot imagine how blessed I am to know who God is and what He can do to my life.  The experience that I got from the encounter was the best experience that I have gotten in my entire life.  Why?  It gave me an opportunity to be called a “child of God”.  It gave me a right to be called a “co-heir” with Christ.  It gave me the opportunity to really accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

And about TITHING…  Now I realize why our pastor encourages us to practice giving a tenth of our income,… because it pleases God.  God gave us everything we have, and it is just but right to give Him a tenth of what He gives us.  I do not want to elaborate the many blessing that I have been receiving and what I will receive more since I started tithing, but believe me…  They are more than what I have prayed for!

So now when people see me worship, they will also now call me ALIVE, ALIVE!  But who cares!  At least now I am able to communicate with ease what I want to say to God without being limited by people to mediate for me.  At least now I can ask for forgiveness directly to God without being limited people to mediate for me.  At least now I know clearly who I pray at without being limited to images and relics.  At least now I know that all my sins were cancelled and that I am given a new life in the Lord.  I am a born again Christian and I am proud to say that I am ALIVE ALIVE! Because my Jesus is Alive, forevermore. 

(Verses to reflect, Matthew 10)

shouting and teens

from google images

I was watching the news last night and I came across this noodle commercial with a teen slowly drifting away while the father shouts at him as they have their dinner.  I was almost in tears but I didn’t not want others to see me cry over a commercial.  But in my mind, fresh are the memories when I experienced the same period of my life where I really do not want to be inside our house.  I can feel the pain in the child’s commercial as the father shouts at him.  The only difference is that it wasn’t my dad who battered me with shouts.

I remembered the times where I would just want to stay out of our house.  I do not want to linger, much more step my feet on our house.  I didn’t actually felt I was home during those times.  Why?  Because I didn’t feel loved, understood or welcomed inside my own house.  Whenever I look at my family members, they look so indifferent and cold.  We do not even have time for one another to eat a meal together.  I was always alone. 

I never grew up with my parents.  I grew up with my brothers and sisters who already have their own families.  I admit, I was a difficult child.  Who wouldn’t be when you’re a product of broken home, physical, mental and emotional abuse?  I was lucky to have graduated college and be where I am now in spite of all the torments I experienced when I was young.  I didn’t even have a strong spiritual figure in my life that time.  So I really grew up to be a difficult, secretive, teen with a lot of masks and skeletons in my closet.

Watching that TV ad made me reminisce the times when people around me couldn’t understand my struggles.  I know it was my fault on occasions that I lied and got caught, but I never lied back.  So, it was really unfair for me to be doubted when I was already telling the truth.  I felt, I should have been given a chance to redeem myself.  But I wasn't.   

Now that I am a parent and experiencing the same situation with my older daughter, I was ashamed of myself whenever I scold and shout at her whenever she goes home late.  It dawned on me that she was me some years ago.  I felt cold like I was poured with a bucket full of ice on my head and thought that maybe, my daughter too doesn't want to be at the house because instead of me, asking whether she had her meal or what can I do for her to help her with her school work, there I was shouting frantically as if she eloped with a man she just met.  I reasoned to myself to justify my shouting and being mad that I am just protecting her from the evil ones lurking on the streets and that her always coming home late is my way to keep her away from those people.  But I didn't think that she also has a life and that her school works is just one of the things that she has to accomplish.

I cannot speak for all parents, but this I will surely do to my daughter.  I would be smart and logical in dealing with her late coming and thinking of many other preventive things like knowing who she is with or whose classmate’s house she will work her projects with including talking to her open mindedly that I will understand her but she can’t lie to me.  I will think of many other things before I end up shouting at her, because for me, still the safest place for my daughter is right where I am… Inside our house.  I have to make sure; she stays in the house and loves our house.  

Solving Philippine's traffic problem

A lot of news had been flashed on TV and published on the paper about the problems regarding road traffic.  LTRFB vs MMDA, Municipal mayors against BoC and many other things.  They put so much issue on the congested ports and truck bans causing traffic in the metro side (actually not only the metro side but the majority of Philippine roads)  but the real issue is, many car owners use the roads that are supposed to be used by motorists as their personal parking spaces!

Just look at the volume of cars parked along the LRT1 area, many jeepneys parked everywhere! Municipal mayors should look into the bigger picture that many of their residents are using the roads for parking space.  And barangay officials can’t contain the situation because they’d lose votes or maybe even they are one of the residents who park their cars on the streets thus making the roads narrow and a few accessible roads for motorists to use.

LTRFB should also put “own garage” as a factor before they give license plates to car owners.  Mind you, many people have two cars without even having their own garage.  MMDA, Metro mayors and LTRFB should work hand in hand to fix these problems.  It’s quite simple.  Widen the roads by getting rid of cars parked along the road.  There’d be no need for truck bans because roads would be enough for all motorists to use.

Congestion in the ports is just a result of these heavy traffic problems.  And alongside these traffic problem is corruption problem. Congestion is not only about truck bans, it also include the “red tape” system in the BoC.  Accept it or not, containers vans pile up when “red tape money” is insufficient.  Businessmen with more money to pay some corrupt BoC personnel don’t experience their container vans being piled at the ports but those small to medium enterprise owners who don’t have money to “hasten” the release of their vans at the ports will wait for their turn until they have been put at the bottom of the list.

Every Filipino motorist knows the problem but we can’t accept the reason because maybe we are among those people who use Philippine roads for personal parking space.  Then we’d blame everything to the government, rising prices of goods, business dying, heavy traffic problems, but we can’t blame ourselves for contributing to the problem.  If we want to buy a car, prepare a garage first.  Then we’ll see, traffic problems will ease up.